I was once told by a very wise woman that over your lifetime you think that your life changes, you get married, have children, work, but that things REALLY don’t change until you lose your mother. She was right.
My mom died 17 years ago today, and things have not really been the same since. Nobody ever loves you as unconditionally as your mother does. Her death also changed the whole dynamics of our family. Mom was the one who pretty much bound the family together. She was the birthday cake maker, the celebration planner, the one whose house we went “home” to for family gatherings . Since she died, it has been harder and harder to get all of the branches of our family together.
My mom and I had the usual “growing up” arguments. I seldom raised my voice to my mother, because you just didn’t do that back when I grew up, the consequences were dire. I know I “sassed back” though, and did a lot of eye rolling and door slamming. Like most teenagers, I didn’t think my mother knew anything about anything. My dad was busy working two jobs and really wasn’t home much. The raising of me and my three brothers was pretty much left to mom. She was the mom, cook, cleaning lady, nurse, friend, teacher, disciplinarian, the planner, shopper..well she was everything for us! My dad worked and my mother managed.
There wasn’t a lot of money when we were growing up. There wasn’t much left over after paying bills and buying groceries for “extras” What we did have was a mom who was always there for us. My mother once told me a story about when my dad was in the service. I’m not sure where they were stationed at the time, it was payday, but until my dad returned from work she had no access to that money. She said the only thing left in the house for food was some flour and a little bit of milk. She made biscuits and fed them to me. She said she was so hungry that day. I asked “why didn’t you eat some of the biscuits?” Her answer: “well you were hungry and I wanted you to have them, you will understand when you have kids” And, she is right, I do. I understood a lot once I had kids of my own.
My mom faced tragedy in her life, her father died at a young age from a brain tumor, and years and years later my brother Craig, her youngest child, died of the same illness. I can only imagine the grief she suffered. I know that when Craig was diagnosed, she knew more than any of us what was coming, and what to expect. She was there for him and his wife throughout his illness. Her grief was devastating when he died, but even through all of that she remained concerned about her other children and how we were coping with it all.
Once I was married my mom became my best friend. She was who I called when I needed to know almost anything about raising a family or managing a household. When I had children, she was the one I called if they were sick, if I needed a babysitter, if the kids were “challenging” me, if I just needed to vent. We shopped together, crafted together, cried together.
My mom didn’t have a lot of money, the best clothes, the biggest house, the perfect children, but, she always gave people the benefit of the doubt, she didn’t talk about people behind their backs, she loved her family more than anything and she always put us first, never herself . My mom was a classy lady. I love you and miss you mom, wish you were here!
